I knew

Have you ever had someone’s laughter stop you in your tracks? Shy, reserved you holding your breath, standing in the middle of an auditorium, hoping that by not breathing, you preserve the moment?

Have you ever felt so alive, moisture dripping down your legs as your treacherous body betrays you and you try to keep a straight face because even without having experienced it before, you know right then that you are having one hell of an orgasm?.

Eyes searching for the lips emitting that sound, I feel like the whole world had been waiting for that moment when our eyes meet, and as I mutter ‘Oh Shit!’ under my breath as he smiled and I knew. That this was the devil, I knew he was going to ruin my life and I knew I was going to hand him the keys and show him the way.

Most really good stories have a turning point; a plot twist. An aha moment, A girl that thinks she’ll never find love finds it, aha!, the little girl you have been maltreating turns out to be the baby you gave away when you were a teenager, aha!. This story does not have that. It ends the way you think it would.

We kissed that night, asking each other questions with our lips. Lost in a world behind closed eyes, so raw and real, words were meaningless.

‘Where are you from?’ his asked

‘From you’ mine reply,

‘How are you here? I’ve searched for you in faces and in conversations, what took you so long?’

‘I’ve searched for you too, in whole cities and little towns’

‘You take my breath away’ he replies, not asking, saying!

We lay under the stars and we talked, we spent hours asking each other questions, not trying to find an answer, just getting it out there, and every time we pause after a question, there was no rush to fill the silence, we reveled in it.

‘Why do you think we spend so much time in our lives hoping that someone would love us?’

‘Why are we so afraid of being alone?’

‘We already know, love rarely wins, why do we keep hoping to be the exception?’

‘Why are we even ever afraid?’

‘Why are we scared of dying?’

‘What do you really think happens when we die?’

‘What does it even mean, to die empty?’

‘Do you see an end to patriarchy?’

‘What of racism?’

‘Do you think equality of gender and race might only be an illusion?’

‘Genetic Engineering, does it scare you or excite you?’

‘Why am I so betrayed by my body tonight?’

‘Why am I so affected by you?’

He showed me over a million ways you could be kissed right, I could taste the laughter on his lips; strawberry flavored laced with something I could not really put a name to but which made my head feel light nonetheless.

I felt his smile against my lips and I knew, I was an answered prayer.

Now, you might insist, that it is impossible to kiss someone for as long as we do and with so much passion, like we were on a clock and maybe if we did it right, we might beat the time, turned out we were because by the first cock crow, he was gone. Turns out when he said I took his breath away, he meant it and I took all of it.