Adaobi Osakwe
5 min readJan 12, 2019


5 almost hilarious Health ‘facts’

Who else automatically has their guard up once someone or an article starts with ‘Research says…’ or ‘According to recent study…’.? It’s like my brain automatically screams ‘Take cover… bullshit might be coming your way!!’ and that’s what some of these ‘facts’ sound like… ‘Bullshit!’ although some of them take it a step further and are actual bullshit.

Some people find these ‘health facts’ online and are suddenly running all over the place screaming ‘According to recent study…’ Well, I’m having none of that! and I’m judging you! for not getting your facts right, for misinforming other ignorant citizens of the world and for making me have to write this.

  1. Women with bigger hips and bums have a lower risk of heart attack, stroke and type 2 diabetes —

Some people will soon start screaming ‘Oh my God!, Adah you are such a hater’. So, I’m going to come right out and say that this has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I only had aching thighs to show for all my seven days of squatting last year and the fact that against all odds, my bum has decided to stay hidden until a future undisclosed date. This is just me, trying to do right by myself and by the whole world because suddenly, women with big bums think they have it all figured out. They only said you have a lower risk not that you can’t get it and they didn’t say you have a lower risk of getting it than the rest of the world but only a lower risk than those who store their fat around their tummy. sheesh! and you have to be of normal weight, not to mention, it’s all theory!

The reasoning behind this though is that the fat stored in the abdomen is more likely to release fatty acid into the blood than that stored in the hips and thighs since the fat here is largely stored in fat cells.

2. Sleeping Naked reduces your risk of diabetes

First off, I just want to say that ever since getting kicked out of Eden ‘theoretically’, the only path to redemption humans have chosen is any that involves a state of undress and they would go to great lengths … Take this mail below for instance from a post published at

Dear Cecil:

In light of a recent Daily Mail article, “Why Sleeping Naked Could Cut Your Risk of Diabetes … Not to Mention Ward Off Infections, Trim Your Waistline and Make You Less Exhausted” [11/24/14], I was wondering whether you think the government should ban pyjamas?

Sarah Chekroud

First off, Sarah!! that’s how people get spirit husbands!.. right folks? No?… it should be though. This speculation though maybe because having fewer restrictions in terms of clothing while going to sleep has been said to improve blood circulation which is good for your heart and muscles and is one of the reasons why women are usually advised to take off their bras at night. but going to sleep buck naked to reduce your risk of diabetes might be pushing it too far. I mean, what even is the co-relation between your nakedness and insulin?

3. Chewing Gum improves your overall test scores and memory by 35%, relieves stress and reduces anxiety level -

I can already count them nodding, chewing more dramatically, trying to exert their perceived intellectual dominance that has suddenly been confirmed by their love for the chew. Goats are always chewing too are we soon going to agree that they are smart creatures after all or is the chewing reserved only to the gum?

The results of this ‘findings’ were justified on the claim that the Hippocampus, an area of the brain important for concentration and memory was significantly sparked while chewing and that delivery of oxygen to the brain was increased by as much as 25 to 40 per cent and also by the ‘fact’ that the test subjects who were chewing gum performed better than their non-chewing counterparts.

4. Banging Your head against a wall burns 150 calories an hour —

Now, this! I like. According to a recent study (i hope you have your guard up), banging your head against a wall can help you lose up to 150 calories an hour depending on the speed along with the number of times. Many of you have been complaining about how much you need to lose weight, well, now you can’t say I have never done anything for you. The only problem is that I could not find the person or persons who conducted this ‘study’. Hypothetically, they might have banged too hard and forgotten to state that calories might not be the only thing you would be losing but please, don’t let me stop you. get banging!

5. GMOs (Genetically Modified Organisms) are bad for you -

Quite the rave recently, Genetically Modified foods which are foods gotten from organisms with its DNA modified to possess a gene from another organism has gotten a lot of bad rap with most people, myself included, believe it might be bad for our health in the future. But according to the information we have now, there is no suggestion that these GMOs are in any way harmful and we might actually all just be suffering from the Judas syndrome… fear of the unknown and an overwhelming suspicion of everything new and foreign.

You do have to agree that some of these ‘facts’ are out-rightly ridiculous! you’ve heard worse? let me know via the comments. Peace and stay healthy!